Gender

Inappropriate Questions

The following are questions or statements made by co-workers to TGD LEOs who transitioned while on the job. These are raw accounts from the TCOPS International membership. Consider how a cisgender person would receive these questions. If they seem inappropriate for that situation, they are also inappropriate for TGD persons.

Some readers of this appendix have expressed uneasiness regarding the necessity of including these inappropriate, rude, and dumb questions. The Task Group would like readers to understand that this material is not included gratuitously. When a TGD officer is referred for a fitness-for-duty evaluation (FFDE) and especially a psychological FFDE, there are oftentimes reasons which may not be clearly stated, are misunderstood, mischaracterized, or flatly orchestrated by peers and or supervisors in an effort to sabotage the career of the TGD officer.

The evaluator(s) should understand that comments such as these are the experience of TGD LEOs. This will help the provider be aware of the unstated background from the TGD LEO’s perspective and experience. These officers may have been referred due to behaviors such as acting-out towards their co-workers, after being intentionally and repeatedly subjected to antagonizing, insensitive, and demeaning attitudes, behavior, and treatment by their co-workers. These actions may be cumulative, stressful, and may have been the underlying and undisclosed cause of an outburst by the TGD LEO towards their peers or their superiors.

The evaluator should be aware that mistreatment, bias, harassment, and discrimination are commonly present in the lives and experiences of TGD LEOs.

Statements made to MTFs/AMABs (male-to-female transition or assigned male at birth)

• Have you had “the surgery” yet?
• So, you were a guy and now you’re a girl. Does that make you gay?
• Are those your boobs or did you have fake ones installed?
• Tell me how “the surgery” is performed? What do they do with the “extra parts?”
• Does this mean that you like guys now, or do you still want to be with women?
• What bra size do you wear?
• Can you have an orgasm and how does that work?
• Do you still like girls?
• What did you do with your testicles when they chopped them off?
• You are married to a trans woman. Does that mean that you are gay?
• So, now that you chopped your penis off, how do you have sex?
• You did not give birth to your children, why do you want them to call you Mom?
• Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for taking your children’s father away from them?
• Why would you put your children through this shit?
• Why do you need to use the women’s restroom? You can still use the men’s, can’t you?
• Aren’t you ashamed of yourself (for being transgender)?
• Do you like to fondle your boobs now that you have them?
• If you like woman, then why did you cut off your dick?
• What kind of clothes do you wear when you are at home?
• Do you go to the obstetrician like a real woman?
• Can you still masturbate?
• Don’t expect me to open or hold doors for you!
• Do you still like guns?
• Do you still want to be a cop?
• Are you wearing a bra and panties under your uniform?
• Does wearing women’s clothes make you feel sexy?
• Can you take a full-size cock? (vaginally)
• If you had your dick cut off and you have a vagina now, can you have children?
• You are getting married? How does that work?
• Do you really have to have a female cut ballistic vest? You are just flattening them down anyway.
• I want to help. What can I do….as long as people at work don’t find out?
• How many friendships have you thrown away because of what you are doing?
• Are your kids’ pariahs at their schools?
• Did you have a sit-down with your kids and tell the whole Nip/Tuck story? (meaning describing GCS)
• Do you have to wear pink?
• Does your leather duty belt turn you on? (leather = kink in their minds)
• Which restroom do you use?
• Do you really feel like you are in danger when you aren’t at work (because you are transgender)?
• Did you have to go to finishing school before or after you transitioned?
• Do you have to squat to pee now?
• So, does that mean you can give head now?
• Why do you think this (being trans*) makes you special?
• Do you have a uterus now?
• Can you menstruate?
• Who will your children live with since you aren’t fit?
• So, will you and your ex get divorced?
• Have you ever had some butch dyke confront you in the women’s restroom?
• How do you tell your kids about the birds and the bees when you are chopping down your tree? (Inferring that you are unfit to explain biology to your own children because you have decided to or have had, GCS)
• Does this mean that you’ll be using the same women’s bathroom as I am?
• Does it bother you if I ask you about sexual things?
• Are you aroused by the sight of the 26” police baton or is the 39” baton a better fit?
• Can I see your surgery? Would it bother you if I took pictures?
• What entitles you to attend the Women Peace Officer conference?
• Does this mean you won’t be coming to the team parties, ‘cause there is sex stuff going on there?
• Do you still go to church, or have they thrown you out of the church yet?
• Couldn’t you just donate your dick to someone that needed one?
• How do you have sex?
• Do you have a penis? What did they do with your balls?
• Nobody will love you. Why do you think you can get married?
• How can you be gay? You were a guy and now you like guys?
• Why did you change (your) gender to female?
• You have been married before. Is your ex (former spouse) gay?
• Does your ex feel like a lesbian after you told her you were (MTF/AMAB) transgender?
• Does your family physician give you pink or blue gowns?
• So, you’re a tranny, how is life on the other side?
• What do you think “real” women think of you when you go into the ladies’ room?
• Why are you so emotional? We are just kidding around. (It was meant as a joke.)
• They (the LE agency) don’t let you search prisoners, do they?
• Are you allowed to use that restroom?
• Why are you compelled to wear the wrong clothing? (Female attire)
• You look like a drag queen. Have you considered a fashion consultant?
• (In front of citizens on a service call) I have no idea how to refer to you. Do I just lie to these people?
• So, why would you want to be on the SWAT team if you feel like a queer?
• Do you really think you can pull this (transition) off?
• Do you get aroused when you are in the girls’ lav?
• What did the Chief (of Police) say when she found out (that you are transgender)?
• How much does “The Surgery” cost and what all are you having them do?
• Do you know about the mean things people are saying about you behind your back?
• Did you suck cock when you were a guy?
• Do you think that the Vice Unit is the right place for you to work?
• Don’t you feel that you have challenged God’s creation of you?
• What will you do if one of the guys shits on you?
• Don’t you think people will look at your man hands and know?
• I don’t care how many hormones you cram down your throat, don’t you think you will always have a physical advantage?
• Don’t you think you just have a fetish?
• If you went to jail, would you want to be housed on the men’s cell block or the women’s?
• Isn’t what you are going through a big hassle just so you can wear women’s clothes?
• Don’t you see that you are just a big fraud?
• Did you go to Thailand for the whole uterine transplant?
• So, did you go for the Full Monte?
• Are you going to be one of those “good sport” kind of girls or “hard to get” when you find someone?
• Have you explored other occupational opportunities?
• You know fat girls have to try harder, right?
• What all surgeries have you had? I hear that there are a bunch of things you can do now.
• Are your feelings going to get hurt and will you cry more now that you are estrogen based?
• Work as a crime scene investigator exposes you to some gory stuff. Are you sure that you are going to be up for this?
• Wouldn’t you be happier being a schoolteacher or nurse?
• I question your ability to handle yourself in a fight. Can you still protect your partners or yourself?
• Do you have written proof that a licensed surgeon removed your penis and testicles?
• Did the departmental shrink sign off on you coming back to work?
• Does Brady apply because of your lifestyle (transgender)? You lied (about being transgender) on your background and on your psych eval to get hired. [Brady explained – https://www.policechiefmagazine.org/police-officer-truthfulness-and-the-brady-decision/]
• Has the news media heard about this (my gender transition) yet? They need to know.
• Where do you tuck your thing (penis)? I know you haven’t had the snip yet.
• So, are you going to be a bad woman driver now?
• Did our (agency’s medical insurance carrier) medical insurance cover all those surgeries? I don’t agree with that.
• TGD LEO goes into agency to have ID updated and changed. There is a discussion about the gender noted on the personnel file. Commanding Officer asks the TGD LEO “What do you have? I need to know what you have down there?” (Meaning and pointing to her genital area)
• I know the name of a good plastic surgeon if you want it. He does really great work, but I don’t know if he can help you. I mean really, medical science can’t really help you, can they?
• I’ve been doing some online research and found a surgeon that does beautiful breast augmentation surgeries. I have his contact information if you are interested?
• If you knew that you were “different” then why did you get married and have kids?
• Are you doing this (gender transition) so that you will be a protected class, to get promoted?
• Do they spay or neuter people like you (transgender)? They should.
• Does this mean that you are batting for our team now?

Statements made to FTMs/AFABs (female-to-male transition or assigned female at birth)

• So, you have a new dick, can I see it?
• Do you still like guys? And does that make you gay?
• Can guys like you be gay? I mean you already liked guys before right?
• Can you have an erection?
• Can you still have babies?
• Can you pee standing up now? Can you aim without peeing down your leg?
• Can you ejaculate?
• So, does testosterone like stop your periods and stuff?
• Are you wearing a suit or a dress to the wedding?
• You are married to a woman, I guess she isn’t a lesbian. What is she then, Bi? (Bisexual) What are you now? Straight?
• Is this one of those “add a cock-to-me” kind of things?
• You know that you will never be a real man. Right?
• Why would you let them cut your breasts off?
• How do they add a penis and testicles?
• Can you as an FTM, get a woman pregnant? (asked at a Presentation by FTM to judicial employees; judges, attorneys, and social workers)
• Is that surgery (Phalloplasty) called an “Add-a-dick-to-me”?
• Were you a lesbian before surgery? Are you still a lesbian but with a dick?
• Where did they get your new dick? From a dead guy? What about your balls?
• So, do you go on a transplant waiting list or something to get stuff from dead guys for your surgery?
• Did you always have a mustache and just plucked it out before?
• I know you have kids, are they yours?
• You have kids, what do they call you? What does their “real” Dad think about that?
• So, do your kids have to say they have two Dad’s now or what? Do they think you’re gay?
• You were a mom, what do your kids call you now? How do they explain they have no mom anymore?
• Are you trying to prove something like maybe you can have it all? Being a mom and dad both?
• Did you do this just to get male privilege?
• Do you get to choose the size of your dick? Cause that would be really cool.
• So, can I call you “Franken-dick” now? It’s a joke bro, get used to it.

Statements made to Gender Non-Binary AFAB or AMAB (Assigned Female At Birth or Assigned Male At Birth)

• You are what? What the fuck does “gender non-binary” mean?
• Does that mean you swing both ways?
• Are you bi-polar or what?
• So, are you both? Like your top half is girl and your bottom half is boy?
• You look like a woman today are you gonna show up as a guy tomorrow?
• What is with the “they/them” crap? How am I supposed to deal with that on the radio?
• How do you choose which uniform to wear and what grooming standards to follow? Do you get to do both or neither?
• Are you an “it” now?
• Do you like women or men or both or does it change from day-to-day or how does that work?
• Are you ever going to choose one (gender) or the other?
• Is this like a trial thing where you just try out both sides to see which one you like best?
• So, which bathroom/locker room do you use?

This story, dated 10/9/2021, will demonstrate what does happen in the real world: https://news.yahoo.com/transgender-security-guard-hawaii-sues-160800868.html